-- paradox of a misanthropist: They tell you to be yourself, then they judge you -- Due to the recent coin shortage, I will no longer be accepting anyone’s two cents. Sorry for the inconvenience. -- Black Friday: I don't know, I think I saw it a little cheaper someplace else. I'll pass. Week of Christmas: I don't care how much it costs just throw it in the cart! -- Parenting is mostly just trying not to overreact while your kids overreact to every damn thing. -- Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries, It fills you up nicely but without the buzz. -- I'm careful to avoid draining bottles that drain my wits when I'm working on stuff. -- It has taken me almost all of my life to gain the knowledge I have been exposed to, and in my life time, there is not enough time left for me to use very much of the wisdom it has brought. Clarence F. Wilson SSG E-6 USA (Ret) (RVN Vet'68 -'69)(TeT) -- As long as government and society can keep us fighting "white against black" or "Republican versus Democrat", we'll never realize the true fight is the "haves versus have-nots" -- Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. There's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That- that's about it -- It's better to sit quietly and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. -- Everyone speaks of national unity, but unfortunately, everyone fails to bring it about. Quote by Turkish General Kenan Evren -- “A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded” - Abraham Lincoln -- The eyes are useless when the mind is blind. -- I think I might be comming down with old-timers disease and heavy metal posioning.... "Can't remember shit...... have lead in my ass.... and a lead foot !! -- It has taken me many years, a lot of testing and money, but I have finally mastered how to do everything wrong ! -- I like the sound you make when you shut up ! -- Most of the stuff I do is trial & error, mostly error. -- Resistance is Futile (if <-1 ohm) -- Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. -- Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you: 1. Jesus Christ 2. The American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. -- 1. While sitting at your repair bench, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction ! I told you so ! -- 98% of all Fords are still on the road today, The other 2% made it home...... -- I keep trying to die, but I'm so old and worn out that instead of dying, I contend the Supreme Court is the only venue where I could seek relief under the Constitution’s Supremacy Clause, arguing that “the federal government has preeminent authority to regulate interstate and foreign commerce, including commerce involving legal and illegal trafficking in drugs such as marijuana.” Due to my PTSD and medications that zombinizes me, I physcaly need to smoke marijuana to obtain enough THC to balance out this zombi feeling. Without the THC; I am a zombi. Signed: Clarence F. Wilson, SSG E-6 (USA-Ret) (RVNV68-69) (TeT) -- I just keep falling apart, little by little.... -- Safety of the First Ammendment and its fundimentals has to be the highest human law. -- Anyone who has ever looked into the glazed eyes of a soldier dying on the battlefield will think hard before starting a war. Every time I remember, I weep. CFW RVN 68-69 (TeT) -- If the ocean was marijuana and I was a duck, I'd dive in the ocean and never come up. -- I receievd my hearing-aids from the VA last week. Real small, almost hidden. Super effective. Now that I can hear well, even myself when I talk.... I have "Unusual Talk Back" in my head all the time now.... and hearing my voice so loud and clear, it even helps cover up the other strange voices in my head ! I love it... FTR -- Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them. Polititions make them and fcuk them up ! -- If you follow the rules you'll miss out on all the fun. -- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from? morons? Supreme Court, (?) where? -- I'll KEEP my GOD, my FREEDOM,my GUNS, and my MONEY, YOU keep the damn CHANGE! -- If you bought it, a truck hauled it!!!!! -- sometimes genius just needs a bit of a kick-start! -- Anyone who trades liberty for security deserves neither liberty nor security. -- "Overkill is an often underrated achievement" -- Man's sixth tool was a big stick. Man's fifth tool was a stick. Man's fourth tool was a rock. Man's third tool is his hands. Man's second tool is his brain. Man's first tool is his dick. -- The definition of a juror: A person that is too dumb to get out of jury duty. What did you expect? -- If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. -- Arguing with an Congressman is like wrestling with a pig in mud... after a while you figure out that the pig enjoys it. -- There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and do nothing. -- The important part of knowledge is that you have to know what to do with it and there starts Wisdom. -- In war, you can always tell you are in deep shtit if the enemy does a frontal attack in your rear. You know you're fcuked. -- No matter where you go, There you are. -- I'm not always here or there, but I am always somewhere. -- The bolt of lighting is always followed by a clap of thunder. -- When in doubt: imagine. -- Make it Idiot proof and along comes a better idiot. -- This message is composed of 100% recycled electrons. -- No need to spoon feed me, just use a fork. -- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. -- The more you know, the more you know you don't know. Or: The smarter you get, the dumber you realize you are. -- You Know your FAMOUS, When people you don't know hate you.!!!!! -- "Whoever said there is no dumb questions, obviously never moderated a forum." -- Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. -- Knowledge has a value when you share it with others. -- If you come to a fork in the road, take it. -- "I am not a genius, I am inquisitive" - Albert Einstein - -- "Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and success of liberty." - JFK -- When it comes to fighting the excesses of capitalism, nothing beats reverse-engineering. -- If the thunder doesn't get you, then the lightning will. -- The young mind does not always computer the physics involved in the venture. -- If it falls on MY head while standing in MY yard, it's MINE! -- Never say never Jack! -- We preserve our freedoms using four boxes: soap, ballot, jury, and cartridge. -- It's never going to be a Cadillac, but we're taking a Yugo and making it into a nice Chevrolet. -- When you're really down and have nothing good to say, don't tell me about it, I'm married too ! -- If you don't understand why something in business happens, follow the money trail. -- He who dies with the most toys, still dies. -- Remember now....., do not drink while testing!! -- Wine is a mocker, and strong drink is raging and who is deceived by it is not wise. -- Make yourself indispensable, and you will move up. Act as though you are indispensable, and you will move out. -- Try to be like the turtle, at ease in your own shell. -- It is the dim haze of mystery that adds enchantment to pursuit. -- Journalism is organized gossip. -- Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem. -- Death never takes the wise man by surprise, he is always ready to go. -- The only way to make sure people you agree with can speak is to support the rights of people you don't agree with. -- There is no danger of developing eyestrain from looking on the bright side of things. -- After your death you will be what you were before your birth. -- What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality. -- Man is a gaming animal. He must always be trying to get the better in something or another. -- I sleep better at night knowing that scientists can clone sheep. -- For others who may not know this: When the preacher says, "You may now kiss the bride," he's only speaking to the groom -- Never do a wrong thing to make a friend or to keep one. -- Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question. -- Congress is a first-rate piece of furniture for a man's upper chamber, if it has common sense on the ground floor. -- We may have all come on different ships, but we're all in the same boat now. -- Until economic freedom is attained for everybody, there can be no real freedom for anybody. -- Many will detest you if you spend all your love on yourself. -- Friendship is neither a formality nor a mode: it is rather a life. -- No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he only had good intentions. He had money as well. -- Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror. -- We enact too many laws that manufacture criminals, a great number of laws that protects them, and then a few laws that punish them, and fewer laws that prevent making them. -- Caution is not cowardly. Carelessness is not courage. -- Man: An animal that makes bargains and manipulates. -- There are no atheists in foxholes. -- The world has always gone through periods of madness so as to advance a bit on the road to reason. -- We perceive and are affected by changes too subtle to be described or recognized. -- Address and conduct yourself so that people who have been in your company will not recall what you were wearing. -- Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. -- It is all right letting yourself go, as long as you don't get out of hand and you can get hold of youself easily. -- Noah was a brave man to sail in a wooden boat with two termites. -- There is hardly any one so insignificant that he does not seem imposing to some one at some time. -- I am what I am, plus my surroundings and if I do not preserve the latter, I do not preserve myself. -- If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else, or nowhere. -- Never ask God for life set free from grief, but ask for courage that endures. -- You will not be carried to Heaven lying at ease upon a feather bed. -- Safety of the First Ammendment and its fundimentals is the highest human law. -- Of all things which wisdom provides to make life entirely happy, much the greatest suprise, is the possession of friendship. -- Education is the process of driving a set of prejudices down your throat. -- Dogs come when they are called, but cats take a message and might get back to you. -- We let folks know we're interested in them and that they're vital to us, 'cause they are. -- I never made a mistake in grammar, but once upon a time in my life and as soon as I done it, I seen it an fixedit. -- It's flat; Somebody left the cork out of my lunch. -- Grown up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. -- It is much easier to skip difficulty and go from one childhood to another. -- If you expect nothing, you're apt to be surprised. You'll get it. -- Man's burden: Send forth the best ye breed. Go... Bind your sons to exile, to serve your captive's needs. -- Habit is a shackle for the free. -- A good motto is: Use friendliness but do not use your friends. -- Do not do what you would undo if caught. -- The child who desires education will be bettered by it. The child who dislikes it, will be disgraced by it. -- No architecture is so haughty as that which is simple. -- Love alone could awaken love. -- Clothes make the poor invisible. America has the best-dressed poverty the world has ever known. -- Men are able to trust one another, knowing the exact degree of dishonesty they are entitled to expect. -- He who leaves nothing to chance will do few things poorly, but he will do fewer things. -- An idea is never given to you without you being given the power to make it reality. You must, nevertheless, suffer for it. -- If you look like your passport picture, you're too ill to travel. -- If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever. -- Americans: We will either find a way, or make one, wheather it be right or wrong. Our natures are a lot like oil; mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top. -- The only people who like change are wet babies. -- I was told to "get a life", now where can I download that ? -- If you fuck with the Bull, you will eventually get the horns. -- To die is landing on some distant shore. The one thing that matters is the effort -- Read Here. Download Here. Learn Here. You will need nothing else once you follow the 'everything is here' plan. -- Laughter is the tonic, the relief, and the surcease for pain. -- What a mother sings to the cradle goes all the way down with the coffin. -- The two best physicians of them all - - Dr. Laughter and Dr. Sleep. -- No wind favors him who has no destined port. -- Great innovations should not be forced on slender majorities. -- Give a man a fish and he will eat. But, If you teach a man to fish, he can feed himself for life. -- Friends: People who know you well, but like you anyway. -- Full Stream Ahead! -- Search Button ?..What Search Button ??? -- Don't hate the player, hate the game. -- Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend. If you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut. -- If you wanna be the man, Ya gotta beat the man. -- If you can't dazzle them with brillance, then baffle them with bullshit! -- We are all in favor of progress, providing we can have it without change. -- If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway. -- Everything takes longer than you think. -- Boy!!!!! Those babelfish translations suck!!!! -- If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. -- Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. -- Every solution breeds new problems. -- To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles, or lower them. -- Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. -- He that is born to be hanged shall never be drowned. -- Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is not always best. -- A mob has many heads but no brains. -- If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then. -- If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the first one to go wrong. -- Do not be that optimistic. A lot of things could have been overlooked. -- Two wrongs are only the beginning. -- Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. -- Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. -- Nothing is as easy as it looks. -- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. -- Trust everybody ... then cut the cards. -- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. -- Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. -- Exceptions prove the rule and wreck the budget. -- It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. -- It's always better to know who your enemies are ! -- He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt. -- That's what SHE said too ! -- How about a Bible, with all blank sheets of paper inside that comes with a new pen. Atleast it might turn out to be something that would set some kind of rules down, even if a person had to write themselves. Some people in society today have no respect for the Devine. Just stuff that MAN writes. -- If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet?? -- I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings. And I HATE people like that! -- I don't mind taking a risk, as long as I know everything will turn out okay -- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? -- It is not the number of statements you make that counts. What counts is if you say anything worthwhile. -- Definition of bad weather: Florida: You can get a sunburn and struck by lighting all at one time. -- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. -- There's no time like the present. But a couple of minutes ago probably bore a "striking" similarity. -- Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant. -- You can not kill time without injuring eternity. -- "Freedom isn't free." -- Ever hear the story about the cannibal? He passed his brother on the beach. -- The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. -- Welcome to my cult. We're having a suicide party next month, come early or it'll be a dead crowd. -- Midgets love skirts in crowded public locations. -- Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? -- I can't read, so I never pay attention to anything I write.... -- "Nice meating you", said the cannibal. -- When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car. -- What my mind can conceive, I can achieve. -- It is better to die on your feet "Proud", than to die on your knees begging. -- Don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs, but by how high he bounces when he hits bottom ! -- The older I get, the better I was. -- There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. -- "IF" If my Aunt had balls, she'd by my Uncle. -- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. -- Thinkering with technology is my middle name. -- A woman has the LAST word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. -- Remember, life is tough. It is a lot tougher if you're stupid! -- Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "WOW, What A Ride" ! -- "IF" If the bear hadn't stopped in the woods to take a shit. . . the dogs wouldn't have caught it. -- Try to have a nice day, unless you have already made other plans. -- There are three ways to learn. Read, Ask, and burn things up. The best testers have a combination of all 3 under their belt. -- I am not responsible for anything, because I don't know anything. -- Learn from your parent's mistakes, use birth control! -- No matter how you shake and dance, the last drop will fall in your pants. -- I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. -- Knowledge Promotes Business. -- Always look on the bright side of life -- Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds. -- Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. -- The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. -- Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding. -- We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. -- Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. -- "IF" If a bullfrog had wings, it wouldn't bust its ass everytime it jumped. -- You know me... never violate the law if I can avoid the law. -- The human brain is 80% water. -- When In Doubt, Lick ! -- Windows Laws: When In Doubt, choose "Cancel". -- Windows Laws: When In Doubt, choose "No". -- Windows Laws: When In Doubt, "ReBoot" -- "IF" If is the smallest word in the English language with the most meanings. -- "IF" If is a deep subject for a shallow mind. -- Windows Laws: If you didn't create it, "Don't Mess With It. -- Windows Laws: If you didn't create it, and don't know what it does, "Don't Fuck With It At All". -- Never carry an animal around too much while it is young. It will develope worms that it gets from you. . . Anyway, the animal can walk twice as well as you can because it has four legs while you only have two. -- The seven most feared words in the south are: " Hello thare, I is yo new neighbor" ! -- There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those that understand binary, and those that don't. -- The last thing a Redneck says before he dies is: " Hey y'all watch this" ! -- The square root of the number 69 is ate something. I'm not sure of the exact decimal value. -- Guns don't kill people, they just make it easier. -- Fuses are now required to be covered by a rubber film. This is due to the fact that they have the tendancy to be blown easily by queer electrons. -- Ohm's law [revised]: When you have minimum voltage, and minimum resistance, there will be maximum current flow which equates to Maximum Smoke. -- The Lord Giveth And The Lord Taketh Away. . . . This does not mean that the Lord should ever be looked at as an "Indian Giver". -- 'round and 'round she goes . . . where she stops, nobody knows ! -- Never take a knife to a gun fight. -- Look both ways before telling a lie. You might get run over by the truth. -- A true man does not need to romance a different girl every night. A true man romances the same girl for the rest of her life. -- If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk! -- Sign in the operating room: "To err is human." -- Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it. -- Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of it's students. -- Beer isn't just for breakfast any more. -- Quote: "You know me... never violate the law if I can avoid the law." Signed - FredTheRed -- I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight. -- Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m. -- Support the right to arm bears. -- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. -- My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her. -- Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter. -- Prejudiced people are all alike. -- I like cats, they taste just like chicken. -- State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers -- Rehab is for quitters! -- Free advice is worth what you paid for it. -- Money isn't everything... but it sure keeps the kids in touch! -- Money isn't everything.. but without it, you can't have anything. -- Support your local undertaker, DROP DEAD! -- The world's full of apathy, but I don't care. -- Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are ok, you're it. -- "Hey you! YOU got any yellow mustard?" -- If money could talk, it would say goodbye. -- May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful. -- If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. -- If you're rich, I'm single. -- Join the Army: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them. -- Wife and Dog missing: reward for dog. -- Never judge a book by its movie. -- Join The Navy And See The World. From A Port Hole ! -- Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton. -- The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful. -- If there is a tourist season, why can't we shoot them. -- Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again. -- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. -- Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. -- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. -- Why do all boxes say "open here", why can't you open it when you are somewhere else? -- Indians discovered Columbus. -- If you love your life as much as I love my car then you won't steal it. -- Conserve water; Shower with a friend. -- Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. -- We Are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. -- Man who sneezes without tissues takes matters into his own hands. -- The best way to change someone's mind is with a rock. -- I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so. -- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. -- I got this motorhome for my wife.... BEST deal I ever made! -- Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. -- The more people I know, the more I love my dog. -- I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. Thomas Edison -- A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work unless it's open. -- The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas. -- Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force, and that thoughts rule the world. -- Life is tough. It is a lot tougher if you're stupid! -- Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself. -- Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? -- Imagination is the highest kite that one can fly. -- Ours is the age which is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. -- "The beatings will continue until morale improves!!" --